Tuesday, October 2, 2018

October: The Month of Rest

"It's October Again, leaves are coming down. One more year's come and gone, and nothing's changed at all. Wasn't I supposed to be someone Who faced the fears that I've been running from? Let me feel I don't have if I break down, let me Fall even if I hit the ground and if I cry a little, die a little, at least I'll know I lived, Just a little..."

Back around have come the fallen leaves of the trees spring spent time so lovingly nurturing. But, now it's getting colder and darker so it's time for these trees to shed the old and withered in order to make room for the next to come. Man, I love the month of October. There was a time a few years back when I would dread this month, not the Season, but the energy that the Season had brought to my life-in that certain chapter. But now, I love it. I love the energy, I love feeling the shift as we Step into these darker months of hibernation.

Total transparency.
I ended September with a trip to the emergency room, because not going to lie, I full-on thought I was having a heart attack. Seriously the scariest episode of my life due to the fact that I have never Felt that sick and out of place. Uneasy. I felt, Uneasy. and out of balance. It was truly an out of body experience that I keep describing as, "something I never want to experience again," and that is just the easiest way for me to Relate how I felt -- feel. Being that I am a Cardiology Patient, I didn't want to take any risks since I felt helpless and couldn't describe what I Felt this pain in my chest but it wasn't a sharp pain and it wasn't my heart. My chest just felt...heavy. and I couldn't breathe, or stop shaking because I was cold. Helpless. and so, to the ER we went. All of my tests came back negative and they said I looked good health wise. And we talked about my anxiety. They diagnosed the problem as a Major Anxiety Attack. This would now be the worst one I have ever had and I hope I never have one to this caliber ever again. 

I woke up yesterday, October 1st, with the feeling that my energy has completely shifted. I have a bigger focus now on what I am hoping to receive from this October; as well as what I am hoping to contribute. We left September feeling mindful and ready to take on our lives purpose. I had a clear idea what that was and how I could approach it. Now, I'm thinking differently about this approach to my life. 

First and foremost, I am hoping to slow down. I kept getting signs that told me to slow down and get rest - I didn't understand due to my ability to create my own work schedule, I can schedule my own time to rest as well which I often feel I get plenty of. But after this Anxiety Attack, I feel that there is more going on around me then I have realized and I'm not allowing myself to truly step back and rest in the way that I should. A way that is Healthy not only for my body, but for my mind, spirit, and heart. Collectively, I need to rest. and I will be spending October finding what that exactly means. Sometimes I find it hard to explain to people that I need to rest since I do make my own schedule, I don't have a job that requires me to be working from 9-5. I did this on purpose. I have never wanted a job that requires me to be stuck in one place all day 5-7 days a week. But, I also knew, that with my health sometimes I feel good and some days I wake up just exhausted. And that's become hard to explain -- because everyone thinks you owe them an explanation. And so, this October, I'm going to work on resting without explaining. I think this is something everyone should do often, I think we can all benefit from it. 

I believe rest is going to come in different forms - not just the rest where I should take a nap or spend the day watching Netflix. or maybe it is that type. But I feel like rest will come from taking a break on social media or designating times to go on social media, re-organize my work schedule, start that new project I've been thinking about (it's not a stressful project), stretch more and do my yoga before bed, do more mindful meditation, cut out what's causing me stress/worry and become more aware of the things around me. The end of the month will bring a whole new type of rest as Speedracer and I will be traveling to Idaho to spend 10 days with my family. I am feeling many emotions with this and I think it has a lot to do with my anxiety. I am eager to see my family and just disconnect from our responsibilities while we are there. It will be a great time to rest in mind, body, spirit, and heart. It's been quite a while since I have seen my family so you can imagine my excitement that we are finally in the month where I know I get to see them and I look forward to the memories and the rest...

I hope October brings new energies, high vibrations, transformations, and rest for each one of us. This is my favorite time of year for doing just that. Slow down and get reacquainted with yourself and the people you love the most. I have high hopes for this month but I am going to take my time getting through each day as it comes - and I hope you do the same. 

Get some Rest and Happy October!
Love Yourself and Love other People.