Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Spring 2019: A Time to Bloom

The spring always brings me back to my childhood. Although a summer born baby, I feel more connected with what the spring brings. I love the moments when the birds wake up in the morning, singing their song for the world to hear. I love seeing flowers bloom freshly and I love the smell of fresh cut grass. It's truly the little things that bring me joy during this time of year. As a child, I skipped through creekbeds, climbed trees, and whistled along with the birds.  Carefree and wild like honeysuckle vines. I was who I was in that exact moment: Me. A untamed flower child of the 90's - loving her tye-dye world. 

With the blooming of spring, I see myself blooming as well. If the flowers are unafraid to bloom, neither am I. For what feels as if the first time in my life - I am unafraid. I am unafraid to bloom brightly, loudly, eccentric, and wild; for these are the very things that create my very essence. 

Over this last weekend, I had a moment of clarity that repeated "This is who you are" in my soul and for the first time I didn't try to fight back and say, "No it's not." I spent too much time picking the weeds (much like flaws) from myself, trying to have it all together, be the things people expected me to be, and trying to stay contained so I wasn't outcasted. But I have learned that I am not one to be contained. I am far too much like a garden of wildflowers. I rainbow of different forms. I'm dainty like a rose but I'm also bold like a sunflower. I blow in the wind like a dandelion and I stand firm like an orchid. I am not just one thing nor have I ever been. It has taken me these last, almost 9 years, of my 20's to realize this very thing about myself and furthermore, to accept it. 

Spring brings acceptance. Spring brings a light-hearted breeze that sings us the songs we wish to sing ourselves. Spring tells us its okay to sing those songs alongside her. It's okay to be weird, eccentric, driven by our heads in the clouds. Spring reminds us to not take life so seriously. Spring brought me the knowledge that it's okay to be playful and childlike. It's okay to roll around in the fresh, lush grass from time to time. To get messy before rinsing off with the garden hose.

With this, I bring hopes that I can grow and transform more into my being. A being that is unafraid to get messy, be messy, be dainty or bold, be contained or be wild. A being that isn't meant to be one thing but rather is all that she is and is becoming. A being that remembers the honeysuckle, the creekbeds, and the trees. Maybe spring isn't only about growth. Maybe it's about coming home again. Maybe it's about coming back untamed and coming back to loving a tye-dye world!

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