Monday, May 6, 2019

5 Ways to Focus on What's Working

To the Girl who is determined,

I understand your every move and every burning desire to move. 
2019 is going to be your year! You decided that before the year even began and now that it is here, you're working your ass off to make it happen. It's now May, and I see you. You aren't struggling but you aren't moving at the pace you'd like. Hey, it's totally okay! Why? Because at least you are moving. You are gathering all the tools you need in order to build something absolutely incredible. This pace is the exact pace you are supposed to be in, So keep going, Sister! However, I know you are fixated on what feels like a pace of total damnation. Your focus is breaking, you've snagged your oversize sweater on a fence and can't seem to move forward. How do you get back on track? How do you get back in the race?

Ladies My Question for you is: 
What are you focusing on in this exact moment? Is it success? Is it pain? Is it heartbreak? Is it growth? What is it? and more importantly, How is it helping your future? If you cannot answer that with a tonic, high vibrational, positive answer - IT IS NOT FOR YOU! I repeat It is NOT for you! Break that Focus of Toxic Energy? Whatever is weighing on you in this exact moment is not what you need to be focusing on. What you do need to be focusing on is what is working. What is working for you at this moment? I don't care if it's your size 12 blue jeans, your coffee, your new job, or the fact that you were able to wake up this morning. If it's working for you and your all together better(ness) then THAT is what you need to lock eyes with. Make that eye-lock uncomfortable as all hell - because at least you know your focus is working. You cannot keep focusing on the materialistic crap that is weighing you down. You cannot keep focusing on what the neighbor down the street did or what that girl from that party said about you. When you allow the bullcrap of daily life seep into your veins, you may as well just lie down and allow yourself to get hit by a bulldozer - because essentially, that is how damaging you are to your current and future self. Self-Destruction is a nasty little asshole. And by you focusing on the little things, the less important - you are setting that timer of self-destruction to go off in no time flat. So how do you remove your self from the path of self-destruction? How do you become the bulldozer instead of the roadkill? Well, I'll tell you - I got your back:

5 Small Things You can do to 
Focus on What's Working:

Get a notebook and leave about 5-7 lines open. Then, from lines 8 down, draw a line down the middle of the page. On one side write "Yes" and on the other side right "No" - I want you to think of what is going on in and around your life. Are you dealing with a breakup? Are you going through finals? Did you drink your water? Are you tired? Did you spread a rumor? Are you sleeping for 8 hours? ETC.  On the first 5-7 lines, I want you to write down everything you can think of, Good and Bad, Positive and Negative going on in your life. Your motivation or Lack of, Your Finances, Your Friendships, Your Mental Health. ETC. 

After you've written down everything you can think of. I want you to break those things down into the "YES" and "NO" Columns. Whatever makes you feel good, happy, motivated, loved, excited, strong, and fearless goes in the YES space. Whatever makes you feel angry, sad, confused, let down, tired, anxious, depressed, etc. goes in the NO space. So why are you doing this? This is helping you recognize what is making you feel good about yourself and your life VS what is draining you of what feels good. If you feel conflicted about something - it's not for you and it goes in the NO column. Everything that is in the NO bracket is not working. Everything that is in the YES bracket is what you need to focus more on. 

Look at your NO bracket and understand that you need to eliminate the toxic vibrations those things are bringing into your life - even when it's hard. When you eliminate what isn't working from your internal and external space - this allows new space to be open so you can invite more positive things in. If someone is bringing you down, delete them from your social media (and your phone). I dont care if it's a close friend, your cousin, Jane from Spin Class, your grandma, or your brother. Delete them. Opening your social media every 10 minutes to see how they are doing is not good for your mental health or your overall well being.  If being in a certain environment space gives you anxiety, you have one of two things to choose from. Either stop going or figure out how you can be in that space without letting external vibrations get to you. Breaking down these barriers do take time but giving yourself permission to start will help push the progress along. If you feel sluggish and have low energy - it's time to stop eating junk food all the time. Pour out that diet coke and grab some water instead. If you can drop ONE bad eating or drinking habit for 30 days - watch what happens to your focus and motivation. 

Much like your social media - it's time to clean out that closet of yours. *cue Eminem Song. Actually, it's time to clean out that workspace, living space, and transportation space. Basically, wherever you spend a lot of time at - clean it out. I suggest starting with your home which is where we spend the majority of our downtime. For me, I am constantly in my living room. It's my favorite spot in my house, therefore, I have to keep it clean and organized at ALL TIMES. It drives me insane if one thing is out of place in my living room. There is where I write, meditate, workout, and rest. I feel out of focus if it's messy or cluttered. If your work or school life is crazy, the last thing you want to do is come home to a messy home. It's springtime - get to cleaning. Same with your workspace. You cannot be inspired to get any work done if there are papers, pencil shavings, and other little knickknacks all over your desk. As a Cosmetologist, it drives me crazy if my brushes are out of their bins, the color boxes and still on my back bar station, etc. I clean before and after my clients have come and gone. (Not only because I legally have to either. ) But because I like my workspace clean. 

4. Stretch it Out.
If working out isn't your thing - I get it. But the least you can do is sit down in an open space and stretch your body. Move your body in some way. I prefer stretching over an intense workout - which is why I am a Yoga girl. There is nothing more freeing than releasing tension from my body. I have found when my back hurts, my neck is sore from sleeping weird, or my feet hurt because I stood all day at work - that I cannot focus on anything else. My physical pain makes it hard to focus on what needs to be done and taken care of. That's what stretching is so important. I take the time to relax my mind and focus on what is going on in my physical body. Once I am done stretching, I find it easier to tackle my tasks for the day. If all you have is 30 minutes to stretch in the morning - DO it!

This last one is undoubtedly the best and easiest of the 5. Gratitude. There is nothing like waking up and shouting your blessings to the sky - literally. I wake up every morning and the first thing I do because I even roll over to crawl out of bed is say 5 things I'm grateful for. When you shift your mind to the things in your life that you are grateful for, it tricks your mind by creating this feeling of gratitude at all times, even when something rocky is going on. Some days I wake up grateful for something big like being able to live in a home. While other days I wake up grateful I get to drink coffee in the next 8 minutes. Big or Small, find something to be grateful for. These are the things that are working for you. And Yes, I truly believe in being grateful for even the things that are not working because they are teaching you a lesson about what isn't for you. 


In a world that focuses on the toxicity - change your perspective, train your mind to focus on what is working instead of what isn't. Look at what good things you have going on versus always complaining about what isn't happening for you. Rewriting this conditioned habit is difficult and I totally get it. That is why these 5 small steps will help you along the way, especially if you stay faithful to practicing them. What is important to you? What eases your anxiety? What helps you grow? What is the vision for your life? What steps do you need to take to get to where you want to be? That's what you should be focusing on! That is where you should start. 

To the Girl who is Determined,
If you want it - you'll make it happen! Focus on what's working! You've got this sister! Rise the Heck Up!

INSTAGRAM: @ash_felkner | TWITTER: @ashleefelkner

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With Love and Light,