Tuesday, June 18, 2019

The Last Year of My 20's

The last year of my twenties. A year that once seemed so far away as  I longed for 21 throughout my teen years. Each year a new stepping stone in my life bringing the good, the bad, and everything in between.  My twenties have brought experience, loss, gain, celebration, mourning, love, friendship, education, and wisdom. A time that seems to go by slowly while you're in it but you then come to realize how quickly these years go by. Here I am, spending 365 days to close the final chapter of a decade that has been defining.

I am one to celebrate my Birthday in big ways, always knowing I want to write a post as a declaration for my upcoming year. Last year, I wrote 28 things I learned in 28 years and this year I knew I wanted my birthday declaration to be different, more transparent, and more about the now and the future. Walking into my 29th Year, I look at my 20's and now understand how crucial they are. I have a deeper appreciation for each moment that I have lived through over these last 9 years. The negative release of "why" has become a glass window which allows me to become more aware and present in the positive acceptance of the word. Life is a series of these questions: Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How. They create our stories. They give us a foundation to build our lives upon - a decade upon. There is a design. There is a reason. There is a direct meaning to the structure of our very being. My 20's have been nothing short of giving me the knowledge as to what that very being is. 

Each year has been different; at 20 there was detail to how my life would turn out to be. I laughed at the saying, "Life happens when you're busy making plans," yet I now recognize the truth behind that concept. Every single thing you do, say, or think will send you down your life path at a different speed and angle. Every little thing matters, even when you say it doesn't. Because the truth is, Life Matters. My Life and Yours. There are consequences for the troubled, redemptions for the seekers, and reward for the grateful. We have lessons to learn, wisdom to gain, and memories to make. A carbon footprint we will leave behind that tells of our existence and time on this earth. 

We all have a gift that we were presented with the moment we were born. We have the gift of life. As humans, we don't know what to do with this beautiful gift that we see as a weight to carry. My gift was presented differently. It was a gift that I've spent most of my life trying to figure out how to piece together. It was a gift that was presented with a time limit yet one that was estimated. But now, I'm 29, and life has taught me that every single person who is born into this world was presented the same gift and our times will always be different and unknown. We fear time. We fear not knowing. We shouldn't be afraid of time, we should embrace it. We should fear the unlived life, instead of laying with fear of the rushing sand in the hourglass.

In the past, I would have stressed on regret. I would have labeled myself with my mistakes, the pain I've caused others, the stress, the "what if's" and the "should have been." Not now! Now I stand strong with my convictions. I stand in confidence. I am not made up of the negatives nor am I made up of the positives. I am made up of the in-betweens. No shame or loss, no lack, and failure run through my veins alone. They are intertwined with success, love, joy, stillness, peace, and gratitude. 

I sit differently with turning 29. I sit with clarity and transparency. My 20's have taught me to no longer linger on the mundane. They have taught me that there is nobility in living a good life that is simple and quiet. They taught me that family and fiercely loyal friends are important. They taught me that all good things are done with pure, clear intention. I don't get to decide every detail about my life but I do get to choose who I want to be in my life. A Lightworker - a roamer and seeker - a healer - a gypsy who is free yet grounded - a wife - a future mother - an aunt - a daughter - a friend - a listener - a writer - a student - a teacher - A person who is exactly who she says she is. 

As I begin to close this chapter in my life, I lead into the next with gratitude. I'm eternally grateful for my 20's. To the people who left, I thank you. To the people who stayed, I thank you. To the ones who arrived, I thank You. The Highs, The Lows, the twists, the turns, the shadows, the light, the deaths, the births, and every single detail that wrote itself - I am forever in debt. 

Let's do this 29, We got a chapter to finish!

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With Love and Light,